5 Time Hulk Smashed Puny God
by madwriter223
Summary: 1 Time He Finally Didn't -Kink Meme- Title says it all. Crack and Humor, cause Loki had to get creative. XD


**5 Time Hulk Smashed Puny God +1 Time He Finally Didn't**

_Attempt 1._

Loki sneered as the pathetic sorcerer called down yet another monster from the 'Abyss', and snorted in derision. Honestly, he had summoned better beast in his infancy than these creatures here. Both dumb and slow, not to mention one good punch was enough for them to literally fall apart.

Pathetic, really.

"HULK SMASH PUNY GOD!"

Loki barely managed to avoid the giant green fist. "What are you doing?" He demanded. "I'm on your side now, remember?"

"PUNY GOD PUNY! HULK SMASH!" Loki jumped away again, and glared.

"Stop that at once! I am not the villain here!" He exclaimed, annoyed.

Then the Hulk managed to grab him.

Afterwards, while he contemplated the sky from the hole Hulk had punched him into, he decided that this might be problematic.

.

.

_Attempt 2._

"HULK SMASH!"

Loki startled and whirled around, just in time to avoid a green punch to the face. This was getting ridiculous. And talking obviously wouldn't help him here, so he did the next best thing.

He lied.

"He said he's stronger than you!" Loki yelled, pointing a finger at the current villain they were battling.

Predictably, Hulk immediately turned towards where Loki pointed and roared. "HULK IS STRONGEST THERE IS!"

Loki breathed a sigh of relief when the berserker jumped away from him.

.

.

_Attempt 3._

"PUNY GOD!"

Oh not again.

"HULK SMA-"

"_Puppy_!" Loki yelled, shoving the small dog he'd summoned against the large fingers. The yippy creature started licking at the green skin, wiggling and wagging its tail.

"Puppy cute. Hulk like puppy."

Loki deposited the puppy onto the green palm. "Yes, yes, you have fun, I'm gonna be over there."

Loki left the Hulk cooing and getting his face licked by an overenthusiastic canine.

.

.

_Attempt 4._

Loki winced when he noticed the Hulk coming at him. He didn't have time for this. This week's villain was somewhat powerful and Loki couldn't summon another baby animal, he had to concentrate on maintaining his spell. Otherwise, the pathetic mortals he was shielding would perish and Thor sulked mightily when that happened.

So Loki did the next best thing.

"Look, a bee!"

The Hulk roared and sprinted away. "HULK SMASH STINGY BUG!"

Thank the Heavens the Hulk was gullible.

.

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_Attempt 5._

Another day, another fight, another instance when Loki'll have to face the green behemoth. Speak of the Devil, as the mortals would say. There the beast was, smashing the Doombots and moving slowly, but surely towards him.

Sometimes, Loki regretted not being evil anymore.

The Hulk was several feet away from him and was already lifting his great giant paws to smash him into the ground. So Loki did the first thing that came to his head.

He muttered a quick spell and Iron Man was transported to them. Loki snapped his fingers, and the armor disappeared, then the God grabbed the mortal's arms and hefted the billionaire up and towards the Hulk.

"Here, have a Tony!" he yelled.

"Loki, what the Hell are you doing? And where's my suit?"

"Utgard." Came the muttered answer, then he turned back to yelling at the Hulk. "Look, Tony's got no armor, you'll have to protect him!"

The Hulk roared, and grabbed Tony, yanking him away from the reformed God. Said God took the opportunity to teleport himself somewhere away, where it was safe and sane.

Meanwhile, Hulk pressed Tony against his chest, cuddling him close with one arm, and continued smashing Doombots with the other hand.

.

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_+1 More Attempt_

Loki grimaced when the Hulk came near him, and magicked a cupcake the size of the monster's head into his hands.

"Here!" He yelled, thrusting it at the green beast.

The Hulk eyed the giant treat, then took it with a grin. "Puny God funny." He rumbled, patted Loki's head and ambled away to smash something else.

Loki stared after him, not quite believing that had actually worked.

.

.

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**AN: Written for a Kink Meme Prompt:**

Loki is reformed (mostly) and fighting along side the Avengers (grudgingly) to make up for his past sins. Loki smooth talked everyone into accepting his presence (also grudgingly). Everyone but the Hulk that is. The Hulk is having a hard time grasping that the puny God isn't his enemy anymore and keeps trying to smash.

Loki is going to have to get creative to get the Hulk on his side.

Super bonus if it turns into Loki/Hulk.


End file.
